One time a group of young men was playing a game of "Floor hockey" or Bandy, just for the fun of it. Suddenly as Emil, on the losing side, tried to break through the defense to score, he was struck on the shins. A little pain, nothing serious and it was an understandable accident without malicious intent. Emil went nuts and attacked Jay with his stick hitting him several times and punching him on the nose before the rest of us woke up and grabbed hold of Emil.
Maybe you are one of those people who simply must win at everything. Well, in a funny kind of way I could sometimes be your ally because I don't like to see people hurt from losing or to be angry at themselves for losing. Then I sometimes feel that it is better that the other wins and I lose.
Why? Well, clearly I do not like to feel uncomfortable about another's discomfort, particularly when it is directed at me. But is it a good choice to be trying to please others and hide your own light, your abilities and accomplishments, under a camouflage of mediocrity and lack of effort?
I do not believe so. I see it as a mistake unless you conciously do it for your own sake. If I often look after others needs and not my own who will take care of my life development?
At the same time this raises a number of questions and I don't have answers to all of them. Am I being a coward? Some would say yes and maybe humiliate me in the process. I say no. Sometimes I protect myself when I read the atmosphere as dangerous or overly provocative. No, thank you, I say. That is your sh-t and I do not want to be experiencing this.
With those that have this Winner takes all and win at all costs attitude I stay very mindful of their intentions and the potential consequences for myself. How can we work/play together and benefit each other? Or must I walk away from the situation?
Am I simply using this kindness to others as an excuse to not give it my best, not do it? Maybe in some cases and it is nescessary to be mindfull of why and how I make decisions and operate. Then I am at least in control of my choices.
Most important to me though is when I can maybe do something better than others and I don't try it doesn't necessarily mean I can't. It means I chose not to do it. But why? I hope for good reasons. Good for my self development and good for others.
Maybe I'm afraid of failing myself or others. In that case I am afraid of being judged or harshly criticized for my lack of performance. That is very hard on my self esteem as I do not give myself a chance to play in the game. And life is a game isn't it?
It is very liberating to play without self criticism and judgement. To play for the best possibility and the experience of being. That equates to fun and makes you enjoy it. Even when you don't always "win". Think about life coaching to support you in playing fully in the game of life.
Don't get me wrong, I like to win, too. I have dreams of success and fame, but I do not take the results as the only acceptable ends in themselves. It works better that way if you are tired of the whole compete and must win model. At the same time I believe it is important to give it your best shot. To try, fall down, get up and dust yourself and see what you learned and will do next. Were you awake? Good question, yes?
And can I remember to be grateful for these experiences called life? Yes, I am grateful and thank the universe for the opportunity to participate.
I love this business of life! Don't you?®
Live fully, play your best and enjoy life. Have fun! Bob and Marianne
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