Sex also seems to have become a performance sport, similar to the Olympic sports. This performance focus takes you away from the joy of present moment and the communication possibilities. It becomes goal oriented and attached to success. Is that good? And what is success anyway?
"Today we have the two finalists. Harry, who has trained mentally and physically for 10 years competing against Tod who has trained as hard and long. Notice here we focus on hard and long, two elements of today´s top sex athletes. Of course, we can not forget the ultimate. How long and how much juice can you shoot when you cum? Both performers have used similar advanced pornography, visualization, penis enlargement and desensitization techniques. Today they will cum together and you will see the results. Who will be the winner? "
I want you to know that this is a "made up" story, a joke. As in all good jokes it contains some truth. It contains some truth about how the porn industry sees things.
Pornography has exploded into our society with the advent of the internet and advanced video production technology.
The story about pornography and the internet is not a nice one. Its negative effect on society is enormous, destroying relationships and families by creating misleading and addictive videos of often abusive, violent and unreal sex as a model for people, especially young men. Not to mention the abuse and debasement of so-called sex workers and poverty struck people, mostly women. Societies newest form and oldest form for exploitation and human debasement.
Up in the midst of all of this mix - romantic love expectations, societies missing values, your confused values and the pornography business, we are losing and burying our capacity for intimacy, communication and respect, and therefore healthy sex and Real Love.
So to go back, can we get the love back into our relationship and how can we do it? Yes, you can and it takes the cooperation and communication of two persons. One can start, but the other must follow. You can only change your own behaviour but you can inspire your partner to participate to Stop, Look and Listen®.
Stop! what you are doing!
Look! Sit down and think about what your relationship is. Is it balanced, fair, honest, loving and open? Is something missing? Is it what both of you want?
Listen! Do you know what your partner feels and thinks? Have you asked? Do you listen to the answers? Do you know how to ask and to listen?
Some years back, when driving your car you came to a train crossing on a country road you learned to Stop, Look and Listen before proceeding across the railroad tracks. In some cases people forgot the rule or ignored it. They got squashed by the roaring train.
If you are not prepared to Stop, Look, and Listen in your relationship very likely you too will be squashed by the roaring train of a relationship out balance. Learn to be responsible for yourself. Most of what you see and hear is an illusion. Stop, Look and Listen®.
Be mindful together, grow together, and learn from each other. That is the ground of intimacy. A diet of pornography does not develop intimacy and love. It can develop addictions and abusive and disrespectful sexual behaviours and expectations.
Have a wonderfully loving weekend and Stop, Look and Listen!
Live, love and laugh, Marianne and Bob.
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