Second, there is the physical thing of sex and the emotional and mental aspects of sex. How do you fit those parts together? Do you communicate well with each other? Do you feel safe and comfortable in talking about your sexual likes and dislikes? What do you like when you have sex? Do you like sex? What is it you do not like? Have you discussed this with your partner?
Sex is many things: wonderful, exciting, loving, mechanical, manipulative, creative, romantic, intimate, connected, mindful or disrespectful. One thing is certain, it is what you, as a couple, make it to be. How do you put the parts of the puzzle together so you see the whole picture and get what you want?
First, what is it that you want in your sex life? What about your partner? Do you both know how the other feels about certain sexual behaviours? Have you tried asking and listening to the answer? You have? Great. You haven't; then get on with it and find out. So you both need to talk about the sex you will rather have and listen to the other without criticising or interrupting!
Second, now that you have heard and understood the other, do something. Take action, but respect yourself and your partner. To be specific, if your partner likes oral sex, but you find it disrespectful, then those are your feelings and nobody can make your feelings wrong. If you need more intimate connections and time in your sex you must say so for your partner to understand. "I like it when you do this! I do not like it when you do that and I want it to change please."
Having good sex means having good and open communication about how your sex life is and what your likes and dislikes and feelings are. Maybe you both need to learn how to properly communicate. Then the "Sky is the limit!" ®
Live, love and laugh, Bob and Marianne.
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