I'm working on a speech that I'm going to deliver in a couple of weeks. I may also arrange a workshop with the same topic.

Have you experienced anything related to Death, Grief and Grieving? 
Would you like to share this with me?
May I use your story in my work?
If so, I would be happy to recognize you for your story.

Please contact me with your email address and I will get back to you.

In Love and Light ~ Marianne

Thanksgiving is here and reflections are lining up. I am not familiar with Thanksgiving as I am from Norway. However, I can see traditions changing from simplicity to complexity. 

Can we keep things simple? Or should I rather say; can I dare keeping things simple? Sometimes this creates an issue for me.

I spoke with a colleague yesterday about job, family and social life. This person still has young children, mine are old and have their own children. My colleague said "I don't have much of a social life now. The spouse had once said that she always gets so stressed before they are giving a party. "Yes," she said to me, "I want the house to be perfectly clean and tidy and I want the food to be perfect".

Here is where my reflections enter. Can I dare to keep life more simple? Can I dare inviting our friends to our house even if it is not one hundred percent clean and tidy? Can I dare serving a soup and maybe homemade buns? Or perhaps just a sandwich and a cup of coffee? Can I dare inviting friends and ask them to make a contribution to the meal?

Can I simply dare to enjoy some time with my friends and family without making it complicated and getting stressed out? And can I dare to express my gratitude for what I have in my life and be content and happy?

Dare to be simple. Dare to be different. ®

What do you think? Comment below. 

Last time we talked about why challenges were a good thing in a relationship or marriage. 

I said that there were four great things about challenges. Challenges are opportunities to learn about, build and experience a quality relationship. Challenges are a way of measuring good and bad, a life reflection tool. Challenges give us the chance to be a better, happier and more confident person. And last, but not least, marriage/relationship challenges show us that we are responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

I promised that we would go further into this area of challenges in our relationships and give you some tips. I left off with focusing on the breathing.

WHEN CONFLICT APPEARS REMEMBER YOUR BREATH - TIME OUT

Anybody, who seriously works with people having problems in marriages and relationships, will tell you that when conflict begins it is advisable to put some space between the events and the emotions. You can do this by focusing on the breath or by excusing yourself to go out of the room for a cool down or a 10 minute walking meditation.

When we think we are right and the other is wrong it is a quick button push to possibly intense and habitual emotions and conflict. This, as you have no doubt experienced, can lead to rough and angry weather and loss of understanding for each other. Blame and anger and sadness.

A life coach can show you how to discover these inner automatic behavior patterns.

WOULD YOU RATHER BE RIGHT OR HAPPY

Here is what I recommend you do when things start to build up and be intense. You know the warning feelings. So stop talking and defending and attacking. At this point remember your breath. Follow it!

Stop and breathe in slowly and deeply staying focused on your in breath. Feel it and follow it in. Then breathe out slowly and fully, focused on your out breath, follow it and feel it pass out of you. Concentrate fully on breathing. Nothing else. No thoughts about the "issue". Do this in and out slowly and deeply, at least three times. 

Pause, smile to yourself and ask yourself whether you want to continue to create this problem or not? Would you rather be right or happy? Be mindful and communicate mindfully.

If you lose it just go back to your breathing when you notice you are back to conflict or blame or other thoughts. If it is too difficult, ask to be excused for 5 to 10 minutes and go for a walking meditation. Walk slowly with complete attention on your steps and if possible breathe. More on Walking Meditation in a later post. ®

Live happy, healthy and awake. Bob and Marianne

It is said that if you aren't challenged you are not growing.

If you are not growing, your not learning and you're getting stagnant. Like an old pond of water that has pretty much died from lack of light, oxygen and fresh water.

I have heard friends and clients sometimes say something like, "I have had enough of these challenges!"  
Or, "I can't stand these ups and downs! ", or " If only life would just level out a little."

Whatever the story, the sentiment is the same. People often do not like challenges in their life, relationships and jobs. I would ask, is there something positive about all these challenges? Is there something worthwhile?

Absolutely yes! What, you say to me, are these positives then?

Well here they are.

1) A relationship is always made of ups and downs and the way you learn to handle the downs will determine the quality of your relationship.  This is a fact. So challenges are an opportunity to build and experience a quality marriage /relationship. They are an opportunity to learn how to get it right, to find balance and happiness in your marriage and relationships and to grow. Or the challenges can be further proof that your life isn't good and you can blame yourself or others yet again. What do you want?

2) Challenges are measuring tools so we can see how good life can actually be when compared to the "whoops, here we are times!" In other words we can see what is good and bad by the differences and the pain involved.

3) Challenges make us into a better, happier and more confident person by allowing us to learn about how we can change our thinking and behaviors and therefore our life. We can just learn to change and that change is available to all of us.

4) Challenges in our relationships and marriages teach us that we are responsible for our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It is not the other person, but us that are responsible. Being responsible for our own stuff we learn to use our power to direct our lives in a happier and more successful way.

So, next time things heat up a little bit,stop, take 3 deep and slow in and out breaths , smile and ask yourself, " Do I want to keep creating this? Can I learn something from this?" ®

To your health, happiness and wholeness, Bob and Marianne

Jeg satt med en gruppe personer, alle engasjert i en diskusjon om hvem som kom til å bli stemt ut. Bli stemt ut? Jeg forstod ikke helt hva de snakket om. Skulle noen bli stemt ut fra en større sammenheng? Det hørtes litt rått ut, syntes nå jeg. 

Det viste seg at det var en TV-serie de snakket om. Så spurte de meg hva jeg syntes. Ja, hva skulle vel jeg si - jeg som aldri ser TV.

Så jeg sa som helt ærlig er; jeg bryr meg ikke om TV og har heller ingen kanaler. Da ble det helt stille. En av personene tittet forundret på meg og spurte; Men hva i all verden gjør dere på om kveldene?

Ja, du kan så spørre. Hva er svaret tror du? Eller finnes det kun ett riktig svar?®

Sunday evening we attended a Brad Paisley concert at the new DNB Arena in Stavanger. It was country music at its very best. And then some. I was impressed and inspired by a creative and talented Paisley.

In particular he sang a song  called "When I Get Where I´m Going" which I quote below, in part. Often country music text is not worth quoting, but this is.

" When I get where I'm going,
   On the far side of the sky
   The first thing I'm gonna do is
   Spread my wings and fly.

   I'm gonna land beside a lion and
   Run my fingers through his mane,
   Or I might find out what it's like
   To ride a drop of rain."

 I was moved by the last two lines, "or I might find out what it´s like to ride a drop of rain." I love that line and it brings with it the emotions that country music has built into its heart. Grieving for losses in life. 

In this case it is not loss of a lover, a horse , a friend or family member. It is loss of the possibility of living life fullout with risks and joy. No risk taken, no reward received we often like to say. And yes, there is a sadness and even regret when we do not at least try to reach for a dream.

So the singer here says that it will all be possible when he gets to the other side. He knows exactly what he is going to risk and do "when he gets where he is going". This is named as the other side of the sky, which can be a metaphor for death and going to heaven.

Or it can also be a metaphor for sometime in the future. Not now, but later when I get to where I am going. Then I will take the risks to do something to experience my dreams or reach my goals. I think he is just putting off living his life, something many of us do instead of taking action.

So we postpone or we procrastinate because we are afraid or confused and could use some support and guidance. We know we have the will and we need help to find the directions that are inside us. This is where the help of a coach can make a world of difference so that life is lived now not on the other side of the sky or when this happens or that happens. Rather that we take a risk to live now and receive the rewards, the joy.

So whatever your goal, challenge or dream is: - dealing with grief and loss , creating your dream or reaching your goals, life coaching can assist you to become unstuck and to move forward with much better chances for success.

This is what Marianne and I do, Life Coaching.  I am inviting you to take a risk and try your first life coaching appointment with one of us, free.
   
If you liked this post please be so kind as to Like Us on Facebook or Follow us on Twitter below. Until the next time, be healthy, happy and live now.

In risk and reward, all the best, ®

Bob and Marianne

I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIORS

 Here you have a perfect chance to remind yourself that you and only you are responsible for your own thoughts and behaviors. Only you have control over your thoughts and behaviors. You do not control another persons thoughts and behaviors either,  even if you try to at times or believe that you can. At least not in the kind of relationship most of us would like to experience.

Learning and accepting  that we are totally responsible for our own thoughts and behaviors is an enormously powerful reality to get a grip on. This gives you immense freedom and power to experience the quality of relationships and life you will have. It allows you to control the only things you can control, your thoughts, beliefs and behaviors. 


I do not have enough space or time to fully cover this issue here. It could take a book in itself to truly cover all the angles. Trust me and my knowledge that this is one of the most powerful tips that you could learn to improve your life, married or otherwise. Take responsibility for yourself and the corollary of that is ----? What?

You do know the answer to this question. What is the opposite to taking personal responsibility?

The answer?

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE

Do not blame others for how you feel, think or behave! It is not their fault. They have Not caused the problem. You have chosen to see it as it is for yourself: You always have a choice as to how you think , feel and behave.

This is a very big bite to chew on so I am going to leave it with you to think about. Was it her or him that made me feel like this? Or, was it my choices that made me feel and act like I did?

Stay healthy, happy and be responsible. Remember, you always have a choice. ®

Be mindful. And remember to download a Free Copy of our Guide to Coaching Friends and Family on our  Contact US page. 

Please leave us a comment below or follow us on Facebook or Twitter.Thank you for your support.

Bob and Marianne