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You Always Have a Choice, Always!

16/11/2013

Even in the worst possible situations or the best of all situations you always have a choice. Nobody in the world can take that choice away from you. Nobody, even in a police state, not even your partner, your children or your boss can stop you from exercising that choice.

Viktor E. Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, wrote "Man's Search For Meaning" after his time in Auschwitz, where he lost his entire family (including his pregnant wife). He stated that people can survive anything as long as they have reason to do so. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

This is not to say that you should ignore or suppress trauma or loss. That does not work as it just comes sneaking back into your life and smacks you hard and then harder again. However, you can choose your attitude towards something. So is that car accident the worst thing that you have ever had inflicted upon you and you will never stop blaming the driver of the other car or? Or is it an unfortunate incident that you can learn from or perhaps forgive someone for and move on in life?

Will you choose to be positive about something and open the doors for change and growth? Or will you choose not to learn and just feed on the negative possibilities or limitations? The choice is yours. Are there other choices such as just observing as in being mindful?

Choose to have a good weekend! Live, love and laugh, Bob and Marianne®

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Marriage, Divorce and Love # 5, Problem Solving

1/11/2013

Several different research projects of couples show that sex, money, children, housework and communications to be the top issues couples argue most often about. The order of the issues changes somewhat in different surveys, but they agree on these top five issues.I asked readers in the last post to indicate their most frequent or top cause for arguing but there were not enough answers to give you any useful feedback.

As said last time, discussion of the issue is essential before you can try and solve the problem. It is so important that both sides are heard and understood. I said heard and understood, not necessarily that you must agree. To hear and understand each other is so powerful that on many occasions it is enough to resolve the issue by itself.

Once you have sorted out what the problem is about the next challenge is to find a strategy to resolve it or live with it.

"God give me the peace of mind to accept that I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference!"

Remember these three research proven assumptions about couples and problems;

1) All couples have problems. You included.
2) Couples who are most effective at problem solving work as a team. You are a team.
3) Most couples in their rush to find quick solutions do not truly consider the concerns of their partner and therefore often fail to produce lasting solutions. Slow down and take the time it requires.

Here are the six steps to handling problems well:

1) Problem Discussion - this I have already talked about above.
2) Problem Solution is divided into five parts.

Agenda setting - what is it you will talk about? Be as specific as possible and brief as possible. Use the XYZ communications model to express yourself. See previous posts on this technique.
Brainstorm some alternatives. The basic rules are: All ideas are ok to suggest. Someone writes the ideas down. Do not evaluate the ideas while brainstorming. Be creative and have fun.
Come to an agreement by compromising if necessary. You are a team.
Take action. Just get started.
Do plan to follow up so that what you both promised gets done .

Until next time, live, love and laugh. Have a good week-end, Bob and Marianne.®

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Authors

Bob and Marianne own SteppingStoneLifeCoaching.
Marianne, a Norwegian, is a Certified Life Coach, former Conflict Resolution Counsellor. She has also studied five years at the University of Stavanger.

Bob has over 12 years experience as a life coach, career and business counsellor. Bob also worked for some years as a strategic policy analyst. He has a Masters in Public Administration and also worked as Business Consulting Services Manager in Canada.

Please note that all the written material in this blog is Copyright, but can be used or quoted if the source www.steppingstonelifecoaching.com is quoted. Concerns or questions, contact us please.
And please leave a comment, we would love to understand you a bit better.

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You Always Have a Choice, Always!

Marriage, Divorce and Love # 5, Problem Solving

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