Here is a women that we admire very much for being who she is,for being herself. She does a great job of it as a stand-up comedian, a former primary actress in a popular social sit-com and as a hostess to her own TV program,The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Most of all she is best at being Ellen, a lesbian out of the closet, and someone who is willing to stand up and be counted for who and what she is and believes in. It has cost her a lot and she has managed the new path well. This is a very inspiring video, well worth seeing. Enjoy.
What is a great relationship? How do you get one?
A great relationship is one that works to give both persons the chance to grow, live life fully, experience happiness and sadness together and alone and know that someone is there to share and grow with you. Bad and good. Happy and sad.
A great relationship is not about entertainment. It is a living experience that you learn from, sharing pleasure and pain, challenges and rewards, fun and boredom.Things are not one-sided. The balanced dynamics of working together create massive positive energy and opportunity to live a wonderful and joyful life. Yippeee!
A great relationship is about love. And that is about balance, respect and perspective.
A great relationship, love, does not mean that hot sex happens all the time. Nor does it mean romance and "oh, what a wonderful feeling" all the time. It is not fulltime happiness, being seen as cool or beautiful, being admired or being seen as tough, feminine, masculine or successful. It is not about a big house, fancy car or prestigious jobs. But it is about learning to create a good and joyful life sharing together.
It does not mean that everything you do and every breath you take needs to be together. Shared. I will guarantee you that if you try to live that way it is most likely you will choke each other, killing your relationship and any chance for spontaniety and personal growth. A great and loving relationship needs to create space for both to live and breathe and safety to talk with each other.
A loving relationship does mean being who you are and being accepted for who you are. It is being truly heard by the other person without criticism and judgement. To be truly heard is to listen to your viewpoint and accept your feelings as real for you.
To be in a great relationship, to be loved, does not mean that you must agree with all that your partner says or vice versa. It does mean that you must accept their feelings as true for them and that you must be willing to listen, to hear and accept how they feel. Again, you may not agree with them, but you must hear them and accept how they feel. Why? Because my feelings are mine, not yours. My feelings are true for me, always!
A great relationship, love of another, does not mean that abuse is acceptable on any level. Abuse, violence and disrespect have no place in a loving relationship. If I require you to do things which dehumanize you or the family, it is not love or kindness. And there are no excuses. I am not responsible for my wife's behaviour nor is she for mine. You and I are responsible for our own behaviour and thoughts.
A great relationship, love, is a wonderful, magical experience. It has some basic components that keep it going. These ingredients are a willingness to learn, openness, honesty, good communication, respect and problem solving skills. Also it is very important to see the other and believe in their potential as a human being.
Commitment to the relationship is necessary, otherwise we would walk away when the hot romance has died down and the work starts. Or you might begin to manipulate, act out various dramas or withdraw. It is like the relationship is a third person that also needs equal ongoing respect and support.
To try and control the other and the relationship to get what you want, is no guarantee of success. In fact it is likely to go in the wrong direction at some point even though it looks like success in the beginning.
A good relationship needs willingness to do the work when it comes to that point. Know that the benefits are huge and there is no income tax on what you win and become in a good, loving, relationship. You will always have that knowledge of yourself and life and nobody can take it from you.
I could talk for a very long time about how much you learn about yourself in a relationship when you are willing to be concious and non-judgemental. But, it is here that much of the Magic of creating a great life together is found.
Can you learn to have a great and loving relationship? Can you learn to improve the quality and the love in your relationship? Yes, you can. It takes some commitment, knowledge and work and is well worth the investment you will make in time and money.®
Live long and be happy, Marianne and Bob
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Think about this. What would you do if you knew all this?
What would you do if you knew nobody would judge you? If nobody would criticize you including yourself? What would you do?
What would you do in this lifetime if money or time or health was not a problem?
What would you do if somebody always loved you no matter what you say or think or do? If somebody always believed in the possibility that is you? What would you then do or create?
What would you do if you knew that everything is perfect and all that you choose to do is wonderful and more than good enough? What you are and do is perfect.
What would you do if you knew that all the past was forgiven without conditions? That you are not your past. That tomorrow is a completely new day and all that happens is now, right now. Not yesterday nor tomorrow.
What would you do if somebody told you that there is a way to touch a miracle each and every day? That the miracle costs nothing to touch and experience?
What would you do if you knew that there is a special power in beginning something? Start, take action and bring into play the energy of the universe that surrounds you. There is unlimited power in creation.
What would you do if you knew for certain that you can change your life? What if you knew and understood that by changing your thoughts and beliefs, you can change your life? When will you start? How will you do it?
What would you do if you knew that your experience of sadness and happiness is life and that it comes and goes? Life is not all happiness, nor is it all sadness and misery. Life is a flow when we let it flow through us we have a true experience of life.
What would you do if you knew that nobody can change your experience of life other than you? That you are responsible for your experience and your results. You are the creator of your experience and as such can change it. You can change your life to something else if you decide to and take action.
What do you want to do?
Yes, I admit that if someone gave me a pile of money tomorrow it would make parts of my life easier. I know that what I do today and how I do it affects my future. The choices I make, the thoughts I have, the beliefs and values I hold sculpt my life. And the attention I give the present moment sets the quality of my life experience.
So the choices we make and the focus we give our lives create our lives. Mindfullness training and communication skills are a great help to getting what you want. First you must choose!
Live mindfully in the present moment and focus on your choices, not somebody else's.®
Live long and be happy, Marianne and Bob.
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Have you ever played a game of cards, checkers, Monopoly, pickup basketball, hockey or tag and you experience somebody who loves to win? In fact they simply must win or major disappointment sets in. In some cases folk lose it and get bad - weather angry. Oooooooeeee! That feels very uncomfortable that somebody dumps all their anger sh-t over their unfulfilled expectations on me.
One time a group of young men was playing a game of "Floor hockey" or Bandy, just for the fun of it. Suddenly as Emil, on the losing side, tried to break through the defense to score, he was struck on the shins. A little pain, nothing serious and it was an understandable accident without malicious intent. Emil went nuts and attacked Jay with his stick hitting him several times and punching him on the nose before the rest of us woke up and grabbed hold of Emil.
Maybe you are one of those people who simply must win at everything. Well, in a funny kind of way I could sometimes be your ally because I don't like to see people hurt from losing or to be angry at themselves for losing. Then I sometimes feel that it is better that the other wins and I lose.
Why? Well, clearly I do not like to feel uncomfortable about another's discomfort, particularly when it is directed at me. But is it a good choice to be trying to please others and hide your own light, your abilities and accomplishments, under a camouflage of mediocrity and lack of effort?
I do not believe so. I see it as a mistake unless you conciously do it for your own sake. If I often look after others needs and not my own who will take care of my life development?
At the same time this raises a number of questions and I don't have answers to all of them. Am I being a coward? Some would say yes and maybe humiliate me in the process. I say no. Sometimes I protect myself when I read the atmosphere as dangerous or overly provocative. No, thank you, I say. That is your sh-t and I do not want to be experiencing this.
With those that have this Winner takes all and win at all costs attitude I stay very mindful of their intentions and the potential consequences for myself. How can we work/play together and benefit each other? Or must I walk away from the situation?
Am I simply using this kindness to others as an excuse to not give it my best, not do it? Maybe in some cases and it is nescessary to be mindfull of why and how I make decisions and operate. Then I am at least in control of my choices.
Most important to me though is when I can maybe do something better than others and I don't try it doesn't necessarily mean I can't. It means I chose not to do it. But why? I hope for good reasons. Good for my self development and good for others.
Maybe I'm afraid of failing myself or others. In that case I am afraid of being judged or harshly criticized for my lack of performance. That is very hard on my self esteem as I do not give myself a chance to play in the game. And life is a game isn't it?
It is very liberating to play without self criticism and judgement. To play for the best possibility and the experience of being. That equates to fun and makes you enjoy it. Even when you don't always "win". Think about life coaching to support you in playing fully in the game of life.
Don't get me wrong, I like to win, too. I have dreams of success and fame, but I do not take the results as the only acceptable ends in themselves. It works better that way if you are tired of the whole compete and must win model. At the same time I believe it is important to give it your best shot. To try, fall down, get up and dust yourself and see what you learned and will do next. Were you awake? Good question, yes?
And can I remember to be grateful for these experiences called life? Yes, I am grateful and thank the universe for the opportunity to participate.
I love this business of life! Don't you?®
Live fully, play your best and enjoy life. Have fun! Bob and Marianne
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I am 5 feet 3 inches tall, (158 cm). When I was young I played and won many basketball games in my mother's back yard by making key turn-around jumpshots, fades and foul shots at the last moment of the game and mostly I never missed.
On those occasions when a shot did not physically go in I changed the story and charged ahead. By changing my story I won for my self and my team. I was filled up with glowing warmth and strength. I had the experience of winning by making a new story, shooting, driving, passing, hooking, fading jump shots. I could hear the crowd and feel the handclaps of my teammates on my shoulders. It was so cool. I felt it and it was good, it was fun!
I guess that most of us have lived some fantasies as sports heros, actresses, keynote speakers, warriors, nurses, doctors etc. We did it and it was called play. Lets pretend. It seems that we "grow up" and stop acting out or practicing our fantasies. Suddenly life seems to change. Some people feel we lose this skill of imagining or visualizing and practising in such incredible detail that it seems and feels real. I don't really think so.
Do you know what? I don't know about you, but I quit practicing. There were "serious things that had to be done" and time was of the essence. The problem was I launched out without a dream and just took a good job without a vision of my possible life story.
But here is the thing. Are you really happy about your present life story? What if you decided to change your existing story that you are not happy about? What if you decided to change it to a new happy success story? What would it look like? Feel like? Can you hear the sounds of doing it intensely, becoming great at it, so great it is real? Sound, texture, smell, feel and movement. Can you imagine what you must do,whom you must speak with, what you must learn and practice to get there? Get some life coaching to help you to visualize and create a new life story.
Think new life story and get into it! Just like this.
Wow! I am standing at the annual Pulitzer Prize Award meeting about to give my acceptance and thank you speech for the Pulitzer Prize for the book I wrote which has sold 5,500,000 copies and is making a difference in peoples' lives!
The place is packed with people all dressed up for the occasion. I can hear the low buzz of people, feel the crackling of the energy. And then I hear the voice of the master of ceremonies, Oprah, over the sound system. " Ladies and gentlemen (pause and I can feel my heart beat faster and my mouth is dry!), it gives me great pleasure to announce the winner of this years Pulitzer (Pause - stillness and ) Robert Tewsley, for his best selling book - "Getting the World you Want Before They Take it Away". Thunderous applause as I stand up suddenly and walk over to the podium.®
Dream big, take action and practice wildly, love and light, Bob and Marianne.
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It is great to be happy. Three cheers for being happy! I love being happy. Don't you?While it is not possible all of the time to be happy, it is possible to improve the amount and frequency of your happiness.
So here are several tips about being happier more often, sometimes even in the midst of a crisis or a downturn.
First, watch your behaviour and your thinking. Are there things you do automatically which are just negative habits you have turned into a negative and unhappy part of your life? Begin to watch your behaviour and your thoughts enough so that you can identify some of those things that trigger you to go in one of those negative or unhappy directions. When you have done that, you can simply stop when you see the trigger and substitute a no, a stop or a more positive belief or behaviour. You can get some help with this from experienced life coaches.
A good example is how you might automatically negatively interpret your husband or wife's behaviour without even thinking about it. "There she goes, criticizing me again for being slow. Hasn't she got something interesting to do?" Instead you could substitute curiosity for irritation. That would look something like this. " Hmm, she is criticising me, I wonder what is going on for her?"
Second, are you having a heavy day? Maybe you are feeling almost depressed. You want to be happy? Then make a choice for happiness. Choose to smile and hold the smile for a while. Come back to the smile as often as you can and feel the smile. There is a brain - body connection between the act of smiling and the brain. There are 43 muscles in the face. Seventeen that make a smile send a signal to the brain that you are Happy even when you are not. The brain releases endorphins and you feel somewhat better and happier.
Try this. For those who know how to meditate this is one small step simpler. For those who don't meditate follow these steps, it works.
Relax, back straight, but not rigid. Breathe in and mentally follow your breath in, feel it and naturally breathe out following and feeling the out breath. Do this a few minutes until you get into the rhythm of breathing in and breathing out. Now say the following words to yourself in your head, with your breathing, " Breathing in, I smile. Breathing out, I feel happy." Use the exact words and word order. Do this 10 times and repeat when you feel needed. Feel the difference. This is micro meditating with a tangible result.
Another bit of information to give you another reason to smile is that research has also shown smiling to improve your immune system functioning. How good does it get?
Final tip on how to be happy, change your energy. Put on some lively music you like and dance even if you don't feel like it. Dance around for five minutes or longer. You can even risk hopping up and down and cheering for yourself. Life is a blast.
So friends, watch your behaviour, change those negative triggers, smile, meditate, dance and cheer for the wonderful person you are and fake it until you become it!®
Have a positive day and smile, dance and cheer, Bob and Marianne
Bob and Marianne own SteppingStoneLifeCoaching.