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Marriage, Divorce and Love, #4 - Arguing and Issues

11/10/2013

 
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What are the top issues which start most arguments with couples? What are the issues that cause most of your arguments? Share your top issues below. Go ahead, it is painless. We will share the results with you in the next post. No names or email addresses necessary. It takes 1 minute.

Usually couples begin to argue about something because things go out of balance. It can seem to be a little thing, but it triggers a big underlying issue. For example, I end up mislaying something, my smart phone. It is not soooo important, still we end up arguing. The real issue in this case could be criticism and self respect. Not what I first became angry about.

    What is Your Top Argument Issue?

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In a relationship you are part of a team, Team Realtionship. When things go well you function well together. You have a sense of harmony and happiness, Real Love. A relationship is not about worshipping the other or putting yourself in second place. It is about we, the two of you working to create a balanced and happy life. You create and keep Real Love in the relationship. 

How to keep that balance, keep the love? Learn some proven techniques. 

An important step is to solve your problems when they come up. Identifying the underlying issue as you have just done creates a focus for discussion. (Have you finished? Do it Now!) Problem solving is only possible when you have a full and complete discussion of the issue before you focus on the problem solving. 

First step always, using the Speaker - Listener technique (scroll down to Marriage Divorce and Love #3), discuss fully the issue that has come up. Take your time. This part is most important. Rather do it when you cool down. Take a time out and agree to come back to it later.

Now it is time to speak with each other. The children are asleep, or with mom or the babysitter and the TV, cell phones, tablets and computers are turned off. You are sitting down to speak with and listen to each other as equal partners. The discussion ends when both of you feel you have been heard and understood. 

Now you can agree to move on to problem solving. We will give you a technique in the next post.®

Have a very good weekend. Live, Love and Be happy, Marianne and Bob.


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Hero, Leader or Villain? Edward Snowden.

16/6/2013

 
PictureExclusive Story of the Guardian, UK
Usually this blog focusses on communications, relationships, life coaching and mindfullness, but we are taking a different direction today to comment on a case which has serious and far reaching implications for all of us on the planet. WARNING! This is heavy stuff so don't read further if you don't like heavy.

Edward Snowden, 29 years old, former CIA employee and of late a contract intelligence employee to a consulting firm in Hawaii, earning $200,000 per year, has decided to risk the good quality life he had. He has blown the whistle on a gigantic secret and unaccountable internet and telephone information gathering and spy system called Prism operated by the National Security Administration, NSA, in the USA.  For him the founding principles of freedom and openess are more important than his job and lifestyle supporting NSA and Prism.

Many feel he is a hero and are beginning to ask for his pardon or absolution from all possible charges even though no charges have yet been laid. Many feel he is a leader in the sense that one can not just stand around and wait for somebody else to do something about evil and corrupt things. Snowden himself feels he had to be a leader and could not sit with the information he had while a Police State is being formed.

In that sense this is about mindfullness. Do you ignore evil, dishonesty and secrecy because you are comfortable or what? Take action maybe? Talk about it maybe?

Many see him as a villain and are beginning to beat the war drums for his prosecution. He is being painted as a threat to USA security. He is being painted as a villain and Obama, the NSA and Prism as the protectors of Liberty. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Only the truth, no matter how painful, will set you free. 

Many feel the very behavior that the NSA, Obama and the US Government indulges in is a reason we have become less secure and focus more and more on military and intelligence controls of our world. Meanwhile in the USA, hundreds of thousands are unemployed and living on the streets. The US economy is in a shambles. 

Many commentators and analysts will say that the US has moved very long in the Direction of a Facist State protecting the priveleges of the few at the cost of freedom to the majority.

I feel that Snowden is a leader and an Americain Hero. Yes, he is guilty of breaking US laws. But these were laws that at their core were written to protect freedom and democracy. Is he really guilty of threatening freedom or of protecting it? I believe he is protecting our freedoms by being brave enough to speak out. Two thumbs up to Mr. Edward Snowden.


What do you think? Do we sit around in our T-shirts and wait for others to lead us or take action? Many young people think that enough is enough and are feeling frustrated and disillusioned with governments that are seemingly unnaccountable. What will happen next? Please comment below.

Live Mindfully and be free, Bob and Marianne.®

 Self Acceptance, Be Yourself, Ellen DeGeneres 

9/6/2013

 
Here is a women that we admire very much for being who she is,for  being herself. She does a great job of it as a stand-up comedian, a former primary actress in a popular social sit-com and as a hostess to her own TV program,The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Most of all she is best at being Ellen, a lesbian out of the closet, and someone who is willing to stand up and be counted for who and what she is and believes in. It has cost her a lot and she has managed the new path well. This is a very inspiring video, well worth seeing. Enjoy.
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    Authors

    Bob and Marianne own SteppingStoneLifeCoaching.
    Marianne, a Norwegian, is a Certified Life Coach, former Conflict Resolution Counsellor. She has also studied five years at the University of Stavanger.

    Bob has over 12 years experience as a life coach, career and business counsellor. Bob also worked for some years as a strategic policy analyst. He has a Masters in Public Administration and also worked as Business Consulting Services Manager in Canada. 

    Please note that all the written material in this blog is Copyright, but can be used or quoted if the source   www.steppingstonelifecoaching.com is quoted. Concerns or questions, contact us please. 
    And please leave a comment, we would love to understand you a bit better.

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