Usually couples begin to argue about something because things go out of balance. It can seem to be a little thing, but it triggers a big underlying issue. For example, I end up mislaying something, my smart phone. It is not soooo important, still we end up arguing. The real issue in this case could be criticism and self respect. Not what I first became angry about.
How to keep that balance, keep the love? Learn some proven techniques.
An important step is to solve your problems when they come up. Identifying the underlying issue as you have just done creates a focus for discussion. (Have you finished? Do it Now!) Problem solving is only possible when you have a full and complete discussion of the issue before you focus on the problem solving.
First step always, using the Speaker - Listener technique (scroll down to Marriage Divorce and Love #3), discuss fully the issue that has come up. Take your time. This part is most important. Rather do it when you cool down. Take a time out and agree to come back to it later.
Now it is time to speak with each other. The children are asleep, or with mom or the babysitter and the TV, cell phones, tablets and computers are turned off. You are sitting down to speak with and listen to each other as equal partners. The discussion ends when both of you feel you have been heard and understood.
Now you can agree to move on to problem solving. We will give you a technique in the next post.®
Have a very good weekend. Live, Love and Be happy, Marianne and Bob.
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