From the day I saw this message hanging above the counter in my Credit Union Bank in Canada, " Fail to Plan - Plan to Fail" has stuck with me. That saying carries a very important message. If you want to get somewhere you have to say where it is you will go or what you want and make a plan on how to get there.
When is an idea "good"? That is, when do you know you have a "good idea"?
Do you know what the answer is?
You don't know until you try it out. So that is the point! Get out there and try, then you will know for certain. Before that it is just a guess, right.
Robbie Burns said; "The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft aglay. " Old Scottish for; the best planned ideas often don't become the goals you hoped they would. In many cases they just don't work. In other cases we are not interested or commited enough to push on through to the other side. Or maybe it was a bad idea to start with.
One measure of a good idea is can you get it up and running? In other words, is it something you can start successfully enough that it resembles what you thought about? And even if it doesn't look exactly like what you expected, perhaps it leads to something else exciting, interesting or profitable. So a good idea is something that leads to some other interesting possibilities not just the original concept.
One of the other things that creates a framework for a good idea is does it meet your goals and objectives? What are your goals and objectives? Are they real for you or avoidance of reality?
Here is a reality test for you. If you achieve these goals will you be satisfied? In what way? Are you being honest with yourself?
So to test a good idea is to go out and try it out and see what life brings. Be serious and make a committed start. This can be magic by itself.
Have a magical week. Live, love and laugh, Bob and Marianne.®
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Several different research projects of couples show that sex, money, children, housework and communications to be the top issues couples argue most often about. The order of the issues changes somewhat in different surveys, but they agree on these top five issues.I asked readers in the last post to indicate their most frequent or top cause for arguing but there were not enough answers to give you any useful feedback.
As said last time, discussion of the issue is essential before you can try and solve the problem. It is so important that both sides are heard and understood. I said heard and understood, not necessarily that you must agree. To hear and understand each other is so powerful that on many occasions it is enough to resolve the issue by itself.
Once you have sorted out what the problem is about the next challenge is to find a strategy to resolve it or live with it.
"God give me the peace of mind to accept that I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference!"
Remember these three research proven assumptions about couples and problems;
1) All couples have problems. You included.
2) Couples who are most effective at problem solving work as a team. You are a team.
3) Most couples in their rush to find quick solutions do not truly consider the concerns of their partner and therefore often fail to produce lasting solutions. Slow down and take the time it requires.
Here are the six steps to handling problems well:
1) Problem Discussion - this I have already talked about above.
2) Problem Solution is divided into five parts.
Until next time, live, love and laugh. Have a good week-end, Bob and Marianne.®
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What are the top issues which start most arguments with couples? What are the issues that cause most of your arguments? Share your top issues below. Go ahead, it is painless. We will share the results with you in the next post. No names or email addresses necessary. It takes 1 minute.
Usually couples begin to argue about something because things go out of balance. It can seem to be a little thing, but it triggers a big underlying issue. For example, I end up mislaying something, my smart phone. It is not soooo important, still we end up arguing. The real issue in this case could be criticism and self respect. Not what I first became angry about.
In a relationship you are part of a team, Team Realtionship. When things go well you function well together. You have a sense of harmony and happiness, Real Love. A relationship is not about worshipping the other or putting yourself in second place. It is about we, the two of you working to create a balanced and happy life. You create and keep Real Love in the relationship.
How to keep that balance, keep the love? Learn some proven techniques.
An important step is to solve your problems when they come up. Identifying the underlying issue as you have just done creates a focus for discussion. (Have you finished? Do it Now!) Problem solving is only possible when you have a full and complete discussion of the issue before you focus on the problem solving.
First step always, using the Speaker - Listener technique (scroll down to Marriage Divorce and Love #3), discuss fully the issue that has come up. Take your time. This part is most important. Rather do it when you cool down. Take a time out and agree to come back to it later.
Now it is time to speak with each other. The children are asleep, or with mom or the babysitter and the TV, cell phones, tablets and computers are turned off. You are sitting down to speak with and listen to each other as equal partners. The discussion ends when both of you feel you have been heard and understood.
Now you can agree to move on to problem solving. We will give you a technique in the next post.®
Have a very good weekend. Live, Love and Be happy, Marianne and Bob.
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Bob and Marianne own SteppingStoneLifeCoaching.