Everything has to start somewhere and life change is no exception. In order to start the change process you have to know where you are now and have some idea where you want to go or be. The steps you take or the how to get there comes from understanding the two "wheres". Now and the future.
Let us take a look at where we are now. This is very obvious when you live in, say, London and you want to get to Oslo. With your physical health it is also relatively straight forward. You are overweight now because your healthy weight for your height is 69 kg and your present weight is 98 kg. Where you are now is clearly overweight.
What about so called mental issues? Today you feel depressed and tired of the same old job. As well, and you don't much like to talk about it, your relationship is a struggle. Not the joy it was 8 years back, before the two children arrived. You have lost interest in sex and feel your partner has become a grumpy troll much of the time. Where are you now and where do you want to be? A little more complicated, yes? Can you see where SMART goals can be useful?
Do you blame yourself or your partner? Do you blame your boss, or your parents or? Do not waste your time and energy on this. Blame is just a distraction and a lack of imagination. Focus rather on what you can do to meet your goals.
If you desire change, you must be willing to look closely at your life and see where it is out of balance and consider that you are responsible for some of it. If you are willing, then progress will take place with some focussed use of self awareness or mindfulness techniques.
This kind of disciplined use of self understanding techniques and openness creates new possibilities as you learn about yourself in your job, relationships, friendships and life in general. Practice the techniques and you will become good at knowing and understanding yourself. That is how personal change occurs. It is a rocket ride to change.
Michael Jordan was, I believe, the greatest basketball player in the world. He wasn't always that. He was cut from his high school team, but wanted to be good at basketball. He went and researched what he could do. He spoke to the coach and asked him for a practice program that could take him to a place on the team. Michael got up early every morning and went to the school gymnasium and practiced and practiced and practiced. Later on, game after game he attempted to score many times and failed many times. He also scored many, many times and became a great success. And the rest is history.
What I am saying is if you want something, you really desire it, then it is easier to commit as the desire pulls you through the fear and the work and disappointment. But you need some techniques, some tools. After that comes practicing the techniques and taking the actions that move you towards your goals. In the case of your self, understanding of yourself gives you the how to stop repeating your old stories and to create new stories, to reach your goals and make the changes you want.
My experience shows me that if I am stuck in a situation that I do not like I must see how I behave and think in order to change my negative outcomes to those I would rather have. If you change your thoughts and your beliefs then you change your behaviour and your outcomes, your results change. This means your life changes. Continue to think the same, believe the same and act the same, what do you get? The same old thing. Is that a surprise? I do not believe it is a surprise even though I see many of us that work very hard at not seeing this truth.
So what are these tools I referred to that could help us discover how we think and operate? In short form here they are. Learning to be mindful and to live mindfully. Mindfullness involves meditation, relaxation, self reflection, self questioning, openness, honesty, asking for feedback and willingness to see and understand the truth. Being compassionate towards ourselves and others is very important. In other words learn to stop judging, criticizing and blaming. Learn about being responsible for your own life. ®
Let us take a look at where we are now. This is very obvious when you live in, say, London and you want to get to Oslo. With your physical health it is also relatively straight forward. You are overweight now because your healthy weight for your height is 69 kg and your present weight is 98 kg. Where you are now is clearly overweight.
What about so called mental issues? Today you feel depressed and tired of the same old job. As well, and you don't much like to talk about it, your relationship is a struggle. Not the joy it was 8 years back, before the two children arrived. You have lost interest in sex and feel your partner has become a grumpy troll much of the time. Where are you now and where do you want to be? A little more complicated, yes? Can you see where SMART goals can be useful?
Do you blame yourself or your partner? Do you blame your boss, or your parents or? Do not waste your time and energy on this. Blame is just a distraction and a lack of imagination. Focus rather on what you can do to meet your goals.
If you desire change, you must be willing to look closely at your life and see where it is out of balance and consider that you are responsible for some of it. If you are willing, then progress will take place with some focussed use of self awareness or mindfulness techniques.
This kind of disciplined use of self understanding techniques and openness creates new possibilities as you learn about yourself in your job, relationships, friendships and life in general. Practice the techniques and you will become good at knowing and understanding yourself. That is how personal change occurs. It is a rocket ride to change.
Michael Jordan was, I believe, the greatest basketball player in the world. He wasn't always that. He was cut from his high school team, but wanted to be good at basketball. He went and researched what he could do. He spoke to the coach and asked him for a practice program that could take him to a place on the team. Michael got up early every morning and went to the school gymnasium and practiced and practiced and practiced. Later on, game after game he attempted to score many times and failed many times. He also scored many, many times and became a great success. And the rest is history.
What I am saying is if you want something, you really desire it, then it is easier to commit as the desire pulls you through the fear and the work and disappointment. But you need some techniques, some tools. After that comes practicing the techniques and taking the actions that move you towards your goals. In the case of your self, understanding of yourself gives you the how to stop repeating your old stories and to create new stories, to reach your goals and make the changes you want.
My experience shows me that if I am stuck in a situation that I do not like I must see how I behave and think in order to change my negative outcomes to those I would rather have. If you change your thoughts and your beliefs then you change your behaviour and your outcomes, your results change. This means your life changes. Continue to think the same, believe the same and act the same, what do you get? The same old thing. Is that a surprise? I do not believe it is a surprise even though I see many of us that work very hard at not seeing this truth.
So what are these tools I referred to that could help us discover how we think and operate? In short form here they are. Learning to be mindful and to live mindfully. Mindfullness involves meditation, relaxation, self reflection, self questioning, openness, honesty, asking for feedback and willingness to see and understand the truth. Being compassionate towards ourselves and others is very important. In other words learn to stop judging, criticizing and blaming. Learn about being responsible for your own life. ®
I will say more in future posts about mindfulness, meditation, relaxation, self reflection and compassion. Like the various types of shots and the flow of the game Jordan learnt to perfection, these techniques can train the muscles of consciousness so that you live mindfully and awake. its a lot better than sleeping through your life or pretending you know it all.
Where there is a will, there is a way and the mindfulness tools provide the details of how to live life mindfully and on purpose. Have a wonderfully mindful week and "Do not fear mistakes, there are none. Miles Davis"®
May the force be with you, live mindfully, Bob and Marianne
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