First, learn to notice what is happening and that you need to remove yourself from the emotional charge. Concentrate on your breathing in and out. If that does not work for you then excuse yourself from the area.
Go to the toilet, take a walk and focus completely on your steps as you walk. If your thoughts go to your argument and all the reasons they are wrong and you are right and to all the emotions, gently draw your attention back to what you are doing, which is walking and breathing. Note the storm of thinking that is trying to take over your life.
See and feel each step. Experience the surface under your feet. Feel your legs bend and the muscles expand and contract. Allow your body to relax as you go and feel the breath come into and go out of your body. Stay with each step and each breath. If that is too complicated, keep your focus only on your steps. When you lose focus, and you will, gently and without self criticism come back to what you are doing.
Remember that life itself is a meditation. The problem is that most of us forget what we are meditating/focussing on. We allow our thoughts, feelings and emotions to steer us often in the wrong direction.
Now that you have re-focussed your energy on the discussion, listen to what the other has to say. Truly listen, without judging or preparing your response while they talk. Try and learn what their point of view is even if you come to disagree with it. Just hear it and acknowledge it. To truly hear and understand the other is very important. You may have wanted to blame them or be right, resist the temptation and go back to listening and trying to learn what is going on for them.
Communication skills are a key to all successful relationships with friends, job colleagues or loved ones. If you struggle with this get coaching help from an expert.®
Walk consciously and communicate wisely, Bob and Marianne
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