A great relationship is one that works to give both persons the chance to grow, live life fully, experience happiness and sadness together and alone and know that someone is there to share and grow with you. Bad and good. Happy and sad.
A great relationship is not about entertainment. It is a living experience that you learn from, sharing pleasure and pain, challenges and rewards, fun and boredom.Things are not one-sided. The balanced dynamics of working together create massive positive energy and opportunity to live a wonderful and joyful life. Yippeee!
A great relationship is about love. And that is about balance, respect and perspective.
A great relationship, love, does not mean that hot sex happens all the time. Nor does it mean romance and "oh, what a wonderful feeling" all the time. It is not fulltime happiness, being seen as cool or beautiful, being admired or being seen as tough, feminine, masculine or successful. It is not about a big house, fancy car or prestigious jobs. But it is about learning to create a good and joyful life sharing together.
It does not mean that everything you do and every breath you take needs to be together. Shared. I will guarantee you that if you try to live that way it is most likely you will choke each other, killing your relationship and any chance for spontaniety and personal growth. A great and loving relationship needs to create space for both to live and breathe and safety to talk with each other.
A loving relationship does mean being who you are and being accepted for who you are. It is being truly heard by the other person without criticism and judgement. To be truly heard is to listen to your viewpoint and accept your feelings as real for you.
To be in a great relationship, to be loved, does not mean that you must agree with all that your partner says or vice versa. It does mean that you must accept their feelings as true for them and that you must be willing to listen, to hear and accept how they feel. Again, you may not agree with them, but you must hear them and accept how they feel. Why? Because my feelings are mine, not yours. My feelings are true for me, always!
A great relationship, love of another, does not mean that abuse is acceptable on any level. Abuse, violence and disrespect have no place in a loving relationship. If I require you to do things which dehumanize you or the family, it is not love or kindness. And there are no excuses. I am not responsible for my wife's behaviour nor is she for mine. You and I are responsible for our own behaviour and thoughts.
A great relationship, love, is a wonderful, magical experience. It has some basic components that keep it going. These ingredients are a willingness to learn, openness, honesty, good communication, respect and problem solving skills. Also it is very important to see the other and believe in their potential as a human being.
Commitment to the relationship is necessary, otherwise we would walk away when the hot romance has died down and the work starts. Or you might begin to manipulate, act out various dramas or withdraw. It is like the relationship is a third person that also needs equal ongoing respect and support.
To try and control the other and the relationship to get what you want, is no guarantee of success. In fact it is likely to go in the wrong direction at some point even though it looks like success in the beginning.
A good relationship needs willingness to do the work when it comes to that point. Know that the benefits are huge and there is no income tax on what you win and become in a good, loving, relationship. You will always have that knowledge of yourself and life and nobody can take it from you.
I could talk for a very long time about how much you learn about yourself in a relationship when you are willing to be concious and non-judgemental. But, it is here that much of the Magic of creating a great life together is found.
Can you learn to have a great and loving relationship? Can you learn to improve the quality and the love in your relationship? Yes, you can. It takes some commitment, knowledge and work and is well worth the investment you will make in time and money.®
Live long and be happy, Marianne and Bob
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