Perhaps they have never been in a concious relationship or don't know the difference between a man and a woman! Or maybe that comes from the old fashioned belief that men are superior to women. Or that women are victims.
Seriously, you know what I mean. You do not need stupidity which leads you in the wrong direction, which promises, but can't possibly deliver.
If you want to save your relationship, build a better relationship or go from a relationship with some important knowledge you can use another place and time, listen up! There are a few key things to understand before you go further.
What goes wrong in a relationship or marriage is generally not all your partner´s fault. So blaming them and putting on your Victim T shirt really doesn't work very well. You are a team. There are two of you and you both go into a relationship with very little experience or skills, and often bad roll models behind you. It is this lack of skills and techniques, or a lack of willingness to learn, plus some bad old habits and beliefs which cause your relationship problems and will continue to do so unless you are willing to change them.
So the facts are: first, you are responsible for your own thoughts and behaviours and you cannot blame your partner for this. It simply does not create a good and happy relationship. It is time to learn new techniques and see how you think and act and how to change it. It is not about criticizing yourself, rather it is about learning by watching yourself and taking feedback as information not criticism. You can learn from the mistakes you make by seeing them. It´s the right information you are looking for.
Second, you need to learn how to communicate with your partner. Many, many of you do not know how to speak so your partner will listen and to listen so that they will speak. This is not about I am right and you are wrong. It is not about I know it all and you can listen to me. Nor is it about not listening to your opposite while you prepare your answer or counter attack. You need a system where safe and open communication take place and the right problems get solved. It works miracles, absolute miracles. Yes, it requires learning and practice.
Third, you must have a method for solving your problems. Do you have one? Does it work? I can't hear you as you are shouting too loudly. Honestly, you must have a method for solving your problems. Both of you must learn and agree to use the same method.
Fourth, now is the time to learn your partner´s languages of love. It is very often not the same for both partners. This can lead to lots of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, anger and disappointments. The language of love your partner understands best must be understood and used. And yours by them. You are a team and succeed by learning how to play well together.
Last point for now. The relationship you had with all the magic, romance, intensity and sex and newness will disappear and needs to be replaced by a different form of relationship. The new relationship will contain elements of the old, but will not be the romantic love relationship which cools down after just 9 months to 2 years. Here is where Real Love starts.
Our plan over the next four posts is to talk about the above four points so that you have some new information to think about and grow with.
Have a Real Loving weekend, Live, Love and Laugh, Marianne and Bob