Sex with our new partner/lover is exploration, fun, feelings, explosions, intense, involving and wonderful too. Much of life around us is screened out and we two exist only with our romance and each other. It is great to fall in love and lust.
Reality came sneaking in, that old devil reality. And things are no longer so perfect. But they are real and Real Love is offering itself as a richer alternative to romance and romantic love.
This happens when you are in your twenties, and thirties, forties, fifties and sixties and so on. I want to talk about this more in another post, OK? It is hard to find an experience that compares intensity and pleasure wise with falling in love and the sex that can go with it.
But things are constantly in flux. Life flows and changes. Success, happiness and real love are not the cards you are dealt, rather it is how you play the cards you get and how mindful you are when you play in the game of life, love and intimacy. Sex is like the icing on the cake and you cannot just eat and think about icing and expect to flourish. You need some nourishment at another level.
Sex can also be a challenge and a disappointment. It can be clinging to the past. The last ecstatic experience becomes a performance standard and an expectation that blocks the wonder of the present moment. Aside from the wonderful intense feelings of being in love or having fallen in love, sex can become mechanical, disrespectful and loaded with expectations and therefore big disappointments. This is a very common experience for many people.
Overall sex is very intensely loaded as a feeling and emotional experience. This, of course, naturally leads to reproduction of our species. That attraction and pleasure is a powerful cocktail of emotions and experiences. We often want to go back there. Some people openly admit that they think of sex nearly all the time. Sometimes the complete opposite.
Sex is very individual and is influenced to a very great degree by our culture and upbringing. It can be a very creative ground for experimenting, growing and not the least, communicating. Sex is a form of communication.
So can you get the love back? Yes, you can!
How can you do it? Well, it takes the cooperation and communication of two persons. One can start, but the other must be willing to follow and participate. You can inspire your partner to Stop, Look and Listen. How?
The first step, is to be present for yourself and your partner. This is where you will live, love, laugh and experience sex while you grow as a person and a couple. Practice living in the Now where the power and experience of life exists. Live mindfully.
The second step is to learn and practice good communication techniques which we have written about in previous posts. In this way you will learn what your partner´s likes and dislikes, turnons and turnoffs are. It is in this way you can adjust and grow back into being present for love and you can maintain an always changing relationship.
Next time we will talk about the differences between love, sex and intimacy. There are some important differences.
Have a loving and mindfully sexy weekend. Live love and laugh. Marianne and Bob